Creating a Life You Love: Overcoming Self-Doubt with Curiosity
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Several years ago, during a playdate, my friend’s daughter let out a defeated cry: "I can’t do it." Without missing a beat, my friend calmly asked her to say it again—but in a different way.
At first, I didn’t quite understand what she meant. But to my surprise, her daughter quickly, though defiantly, rephrased: "How can I?" She was clearly annoyed, but something shifted. You could see it in her face, feel it in her energy. Those three words—How can I?—began to sink in. Suddenly, all was not lost. A world of possibility was coming back into view. And through no help from us, she eventually accomplished the very thing that, moments before, had felt impossible.
All it took was a shift in perspective—a tweak in her words, a sprinkle of creativity.
Turning the Question on Myself
Since that day, I’ve used this approach with my own kids. But lately, I’ve realized... I need to start using it on myself, too.
I’ve caught myself saying “I can’t” far too often:
I can’t exercise because of my lower back pain.
I can’t be fully present with my chronic headaches.
I can’t do anything for myself because my children always need me.
I can’t get healthy because everyone around me is eating treats, and I have zero self-control around chocolate, donuts, or cake.
I can’t have a successful business because I’m not like the women I see on social media.
I can’t experience certain things because I don’t have the money or resources.
It feels like a heavy chain tied to my wrist, holding me down—keeping me stuck.
When It’s Easier to Stay Stuck
Honestly? Sometimes it is easier to stay stuck. Sometimes, I don’t want to problem-solve. Sometimes, I just want to complain. Sometimes, I feel like curling up in bed, crying my eyes out, and blaming my circumstances for where I am. And strangely enough, in those moments, being sad almost feels... comforting.
It’s easier to feel like life has gotten the best of me. To feel numb. To feel defeated.
I want things to be different, but the motivation just isn’t there. And so I lie there, waiting for something to change.
And yet, every single time, I’ve found that the thing that eventually lifts me out is not shaming myself for feeling this way, is not forcing positivity. It’s not trying to “snap out of it.” It’s giving myself permission to feel it—for as long as it takes.
Life is a rollercoaster—meant to be a mix of highs and lows. Think about an actual rollercoaster—you expect the climb before the drop. You anticipate the twists, the turns, the loops. You know there will be moments when you can’t tell up from down, when you feel a little whiplashed, when your stomach flips and you feel unsettled. But what if we stopped fighting the ride? What if we let go of the pressure to always be okay? What if we released the idea that we need to fixourselves when we feel low?
I’ve realized that when I let myself fully feel what I’m feeling—without judgment—I move through it faster. I process it. I find my way back to myself. What doesn’t help is telling myself I’m lazy, pathetic, or a bad mom for having these moments. That only pushes me deeper into the darkness.
There’s a difference between allowing ourselves to feel our emotions and becoming consumed by them. The pitfall is when we start to create an identity around them—when we move from I feel sad to I am broken. From I feel stuck to I am incapable. This is where we can lose ourselves. The key to moving through hard moments is not to shame them away, but also not to become them.And that’s where our thoughts come in.
We Are Only as Limited as the Thoughts We Think
Are our thoughts truth? Or are they just narratives our minds have created?
One of the most profound insights I gained from reading The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle (a book that deeply shifted my understanding of presence and awareness — you can find it HERE) is that our minds are not who we are.
In this book, Tolle explores how our thoughts constantly tell stories, create identities, and keep us trapped in cycles of fear, regret, or anxiety. But once we realize that we are not our thoughts — that we are the awareness behind them — we can begin to question them:
Is this thought true?
Does this belief serve me?
What happens when I simply observe this thought without judgment?
Recognizing this truth changed the way I approached my inner world — and ultimately, the way I showed up in my life.
When those little negative thoughts creep in and try to tell us that we can’t, that we aren’t capable, or that things will never change, we need to pause. Observe them. Get curious about where they’re coming from. Often, all it takes is a little awareness and maybe some slight adjustments to shift the narrative.
What if, instead of immediately accepting these thoughts as truth, we played around with them a bit? What if we questioned them? What if we rephrased them—just like the little girl at the beginning of this story?
Our minds will try to trick us, placing limitations on what we can do. But we are not our thoughts. We are the painters of our own reality.
When those little negative thoughts creep in and try to tell us that we can’t, that we aren’t capable, or that things will never change, we need to pause. Observe them. Get curious about where they’re coming from. Often, all it takes is a little awareness and maybe some slight adjustments to shift the narrative.
Because sometimes, all it takes is a small shift to open a world of opportunity.
A Thought to Consider
These mindset shifts don’t just apply to personal struggles — they’re equally powerful when building a business or pursuing creative goals. When you feel overwhelmed, stuck in self-doubt, or unsure of the next step, remember that creativity thrives in curiosity. Instead of shutting down with “I can’t,” try asking yourself, How can I?
Whether it's finding new ways to connect with your audience, exploring different creative outlets, or redefining what success looks like for you — a simple shift in thought can reignite your flow and open up unexpected possibilities.
Explore Tools for Your Journey
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My Children's Books on Emotions & Self-Love – Thoughtfully crafted stories to help kids embrace their feelings and build confidence. Check them out HERE!
The Gifts of Imperfection by Brené Brown – A powerful guide that invites you to embrace vulnerability, let go of perfectionism, and cultivate self-compassion. This book offers practical wisdom for living authentically and embracing your whole self. Discover it HERE!
Mindfulness.com – A powerful resource for guided meditations, mindfulness practices, and tools to help you stay grounded and present. Find it HERE!
If you're looking for more inspiration and resources to support your journey, I invite you to explore my full collection of products and tools.
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🌙 Thank you for being here — trust what’s rising within you and keep unearthing your true self.
🌿 Rooted in gratitude, KELSEY!!!!
